got a call from the airforce recruitment centre.... yes, they finally called after all these months... asked me to go down for an interview last fri... but i couldn't cause i was on duty.... so the guy said he'll scheduled me for another time.. to be honest, i'm not even sure if i should go for it now.... don know why i'm feeling this way... but then again, it'll be such a waste to give it up now... not many people would have gotten the chance to go this far.... damn it, i'm really really confused....

went out with my family last sun which was fathers' day and also the day i took off from camp... we went to science centre due to the intolerable bugging of my lil bro... heh... it was cool, hanging out with them once again. i juz love my family to bits!

me and my cool sis









with my lil bro and my mum







i got hit on again yesterday.... arggh! i was accompanying my recruits on their reflections trail which brought them to the NEWater plant and changi chapel museum... and during the entire trip, the so called tour guide kept hitting on me.... it was horrible.... and to think he did it in full view of my recruits... damn it...

during the NEWater plant tour, there was this female tour assistant.... she was kind of cute.... haha... and i noticed that she kept looking at me... heh... perhaps she was wondering how come an idiot like me can be a commander... haha.... but i was in uniform and there was nothing i can do cause there's restrictions when we're in it.... but then again, even if i wasn't in uniform, i would probably still not do anything.... haha.... thats how stupid i can be =)

went to MOS again last night after the reflections trail. but before that, we met up to watch silent hill.... a pretty ok movie, but there are some parts which i still do not understand.... hmmm.... haha, blur me.... never mind bout that....


with halim on the dance floor



sly, hafiz, hamzah and me







i think i may have juz lost a good friend.... oh wells..


Riz lost himself at 6/24/2006 10:24:00 pm

0 comments
back! haha... i took off for tmr cause i was juz too tired of the stupid life in there.... the new batch has been fine though there are a couple of weird characters.... last week, one mentally unstable recruit came up to me and put his head on my shoulder and started crying.... wth.... i was stunned there for a few seconds... then when the other commanders tried approach him and talk to him, he totally ignored them and stuck to me.... i brought him to one corner and talked to him.... and i couldn't understand a single thing that he said.... he was totally incoherent with his words.... and he would say one thing one min, and then say a totally different thing the next.... i was going out of my mind.... it was crazy... being a commander is definately not easy.... you are forced to be instructors, commanders, counsellors, motivators, lifeguards and even clerks when you're in there.... screw up man... noticed i used the word "forced"...

there's a dutch guy in my platoon.... huge looking guy who somehow reminds me of leon of nyp... haha... dunno why though.... cause leon was quite skinny... heh.... then there's a pair of twins who coincidentally are in the same section... what are the odds of that happening... one recruit was also my junior in poly... same course and all that.... hah... so far, they have not been giving me too much trouble... i guess that's the difference between the poly batch and jc batch.... this poly batch doesn't ask too much questions and they do things fast, which i like..... unlike my previous jc batch.... haha... ok ok, i'm not about to start on the jc and poly students thing... haha... both have their positive sides and their negative sides.... i've been to both jc and poly so i roughly know the types of people from both sides....

on thurs, i got poked 3 times by a pretty experienced medic.... and i do mean an experienced medic.... i was having my blood tested and in came this medic... the first 2 tries were unsuccessful and he looked pretty stressed at this point of time... i was cursing and cursing in my heart and i knew that he would not be able to do it the third time also... and juz then, their officer came in and realised the situation that i was in... the medic was screwed by the officer and they got an older medical guy to come in to take my blood... and he was successful at his first attempt... phew! after that, the medic came up to me and apologised... but he still had the cheek to tell me that i was his first failure all these while.. wth... ok, but why me!!! why did i have to be your first failure!! basket... hah...

i didn't realise that your morale can affect your performance so much.... i was in a pretty good mood all these while, doing my job and all.... but then suddenly this morning, all the new specs that has juz came in, plus my batch were called into one of the office by all the platoon sergeants.... i had a bad feeling when i heard bout it... all my fears came true the moment we stepped in... they were telling us all their stupid rules and regulations which i have been briefed before but never really followed cause i juz think its juz damn stupid and unfair.... like how we're are supposed to fall in every morning at 5.30 with the platoon even if we're not the duty instructor that day.... ok, if thats the case, why then did i not see THEM or some of the older specs on some of the days when i fell in at 5.30 every morning for the past week?! bloody double standards.... like how we're not allowed to go back to our bunks when there's no training... so what, am i supposed to stone in my office for 2 to 3 hours looking at the damn bloody wall juz waiting for the next lesson? then HE told us that if we were not happy with what they said, we should sound off to them... yea, do you think we're that stupid? we talk back to you and we'll be blacklisted for the rest of our ns life... after their stupid "briefing", i totally felt demoralised.... couldn't concentrate on my work... that was when i decided to take off for tmr.... juz couldn't take the tension anymore.... screw them and their stupid rules!


Riz lost himself at 6/17/2006 10:27:00 pm

0 comments
read this in a friend's blog.... decided to post it here.



They will never understand by Sly
they will never understand how it feels to wake up @ 0530hrs everyday for 5.5days/week
they will never understand how it feels to sweat like a pig the moment they wake up
they will never understand how it feels to eat mee goreng/fried rice for BREAKFAST
they will never understand how it feels to be scolded every single day for 5.5days/week
they will never understand how different it is in the inside compared to the outside world
they will never understand why we changed after we went inside
they will never understand

i think it holds true for me also..........



my recruits have finally passed out.... it was a sad atmosphere when they were about to leave.... but then again... they juz wouldn't leave in peace... the buggers!they all ganged up on me on the last evening.... me being the nice guy, went up to their bunk to see how they were doing.... then suddenly they all jumped on me and started putting colgate and powder all over my body.... idiots.... haha.... i was a bloody mess.... arghhh.. i've learnt my lesson, never go up to their bunks on the last 2 nights.... hah...
they also got me a gift.... a pretty stupid gift actually... they all said i looked like the animation version of mr bean so they got me the mr bean teddy bear.... haha.... basket... and they forced me to hold it in my hands in front of the whole platoon juz before they booked out....

the bear they gave me




the night before, i went up to my colleague's section.... and i was shocked to find out that one of the recruits there was gay... it wasn't the fact that he was gay that shocked me, but the fact that he was so open bout it... i thought they were joking at first but then he showed me a photo of him and his bf together.... err... well, we talked a bit and i have to say that he's very different from the gays that i've encountered before in the past.... in fact i was pleasantly surprised.... i even felt.... nvm, i shall stop at that.... it freaks me out juz thinking bout it....

went out with my colleagues yesterday evening together with some of our former recruits... haha... went to watch the omen.... its a very simple movie with a very simple plot..... not as scary as its been made out to be.... then after that we all went clubbing at mos! haha.... it was a blast.... cause there was a whole lot of us together.... it was fun... heh... faizal, sly, halim, jason, hafiz, syahmi, hamzah, darren and ikhsan were all there.... and damn it, darren's female friends are all hot! he's like one wild rich kid who juz plays around all the time and "gets it" all the time.... haha... bastard... and he's always trying to hook me up with one of "his" girls... wth....


hamzah and halim





me, syahmi, sly and hafiz at the pool centre before the movie








hamzah acting like a bastard




at mos!












stoning at mac waiting for the first train







tmr is the start of yet another 2 weeks confinement period..... will be booking in tmr morning for the new batch that's coming in... hope all will go well with this batch... this is the batch in which i'll probably be taking over the reins of the PS job.... please don cock up riz, please don.... haha... WHATEVER!!



why is it only now that its too late?


Riz lost himself at 6/08/2006 08:15:00 pm

0 comments
its been a damn tiring week.... full of duties... had duty on tues and thurs.... and then i had guard duty yesterday.... screw it.... got back home only this morning.... but never mind, i shall bear with it a while longer.... till the new specs come in that is... haha... then it shall be their turn.... heh... i'm evil... was told that i'll be doing a platoon sergeant job next batch... cause my ps is leaving in the middle of this coming batch.. die... i know nothing bout a ps job... in fact, i'm not even sure of a section commander job.... cock up man.... my first and current batch are passing out this coming tues.... then there'll be a 2 days break on wed and thurs followed by the arrival of the new batch of recruits.... which means another 2 weeks confinement for me... sigh....

looking back on the current batch of recruits, i have to say that its been a wild rollercoaster ride.... i've learnt how to handle different types people.... and i've honestly seen a change in most of them compared to their first day in camp... i juz hope i've made a difference in their lives, no matter how small... they always say, your first batch is always special... yea, i agree... i've had a really special journey with them... damn, can't believe i'm feeling sad that they're leaving... oh wells, i wish them all the best for the next phase of their ns life..

had a call from tiffany on fri... its been awhile since i've seen or heard from that gal... haha... her voice is still as cute as ever... lol... we talked bout meeting up but it seems impossible with her schedule and mine.... she's now working at singtel.... cool... haha... don worry sweetie pie, we'll find a date =)


I'll Take The Tears - A1

Don't speak, seal your lips,
please don't say a word
maybe I won't remember the words I have not heard
I see that you're in love, I know it's not with me
but I don't want the truth to haunt my memory

It's never too late to relight the fire
it never stopped burning for me
the flame, it never died inside of me

How is it now that I can tell you I love you
How is it only now that it's too late
What can I do, the love that we had is torn in two
so you take the smiles from all of our years and I'll take the tears

I sit and reminisce, of times that we once shared
you gave me more than love
but never thought I cared
my feelings were all for you
althogh it didn't show
I only told you the day you let me go

It's never too late to relight the fire
it never stopped burning for me
The flame, it never died inside of me

How is it now that I can tell you, I love you
How is it only now that it's too late
what can I do, the love that we had is torn in two
so you take the smiles from all of our years
and I'll take the tears

Now I realise that you're not mine
but I'm hoping the pain will ease in time
although you're leaving, I won't say goodbye
because I know you're here with me inside

How is it now that I can tell you i love you
how is it only now that it's too late
What can I do the love that we had is torn in two
so you take the smiles from all of our years
and I 'll take the tears


Riz lost himself at 6/04/2006 08:23:00 pm

0 comments